The Yang Slinger: Vol. LXXXI

The author Jonathan Eig received a letter from a reader a few days ago. It was snarky and arrogant and rude. It pissed me off. So I reached out to some peers to come up with the proper response.

Jonathan Eig and I are both friend-friends and author-friends, which means we often text (and occasionally chat) about various literary issues. We compare ideas, share reporting sagas, whine about this, rave about that.

One of the beauties of this journalism ride has been the myriad connections. I love talking writing with writers. I love the viewpoints, the perspectives, the stories, the journeys. If you told me I could have dinner tomorrow with, oh, Abe Lincoln or Mark Twain, I’m going Twain. Fuck, if you told me I could have dinner tomorrow with Abe Lincoln or Rick Reilly, I might go Reilly—and I’ve known the guy for years.¹

The point is, I’m all about this gig, and when I hear from Eig it’s almost always fascinating, quirky, unique writing-related stuff.

For example …

Earlier this week Eig—the author of the fabulous MLK biography, “King: A Life”—e-mailed me a letter he received. He accompanied it by writing, “Fun with readers!”

With his permission, I am sharing the letter here.

And …

And …

And …

What the actual fuck? Like, whhhhhaaaaaaaaat thhhhhheeeee acccctuuuuuaaaaaaal fuuuuuck? Who writes this type of letter? Who buys a book, starts to read it, sets it aside and says, “You know what I’m gonna do? I’m gonna contact the guy who slaved over this for four years and tell him why it sucks”? Who believes so strongly in their own sense of importance that they need to take a dump on another’s work? And who returns a half-read book to Amazon?

Who the hell does this?

[Deep breaths]

Now, weirdly (and, if we’re being honest, refreshingly), the man who wrote Jonathan Eig included his name, phone number and e-mail address. Which resulted in an Eig-Pearlman back and forth text chat—Do you respond? How do you respond? Is there a right way? A wrong way? A pathetic way? A victorious way?

And … I dunno. Over the course of my career I’ve written back to plenty of nasty letter writers—sometimes with rage, sometimes with compassion. It rarely winds up feeling redemptive, but it feels like sort of a calling. How do you just let this type of message sit there, sans response?

So, in the spirit of my Substack, I opted to take action. No, I’m not gonna write the dude and refer to him as the Shooty Babitt of book whiners. No, I’m not gonna throw punches and spit fire and damn him to an eternity of “Music from ‘The Elder’” listening parties.

Nope. I simply reached out to a good number of writer friends. With Eig’s blessing, I showed them the e-mail (without the writer’s name or identifying information) and asked, more or less, what to do? How do you respond?

Here’s what I’ve got.

It’s a load of fun …

J.A. Adande, Director of Sports Journalism at Northwestern’s Medill School: Oh my God. I would take it as a compliment if this person was not a fan of mine. They took 1,000 words to say, “I did not like your book.” I thought Jonathan did an incredible job to actually keep that book tight despite it’s huge size. He’s trying to tell the entire story of Martin Luther King! The only way to do so without turning it into a multi volume encyclopedia is to be economical with the words. And no matter how much you try to be fancy with the writing none of your words will match King’s rhetoric. So why even try?

Rodney Barnes, TV writer/producer and comic book author: I’m not sure I would respond. What would be the point? The guy is entitled to his opinion. Always gonna be some boos from the gallery.

Amy Bass, Author and CNN columnist: Omg. I’m crying laughing. I usually just say (if I respond at all—and I get a lot of asses writing me because I’m blonde and know nothing about sports) “I appreciate you reading and reaching out. Many thanks.” With this one, which is downright offensive and also mansplaining to a man, which is rare (and yes, it’s a man—you didn’t have to tell me that), I think I would send him cash to buy another book, with apologies that my impending Pulitzer Prize for this work wasn’t a good enough bar for his high standards.

Keith Ryan Cartwright, author and Director of Rider Development and Scouting for the Nashville Stampede: The letter was obviously written by one of the few pompous assholes to have read every word of “Infinite Jest” (and actually believed they understood all the layers of its meaning). It reads like a bitter, decades-long frustrated, unpublished MFA graduate. The points they make are so fucking ludicrous, even I would not give them the satisfaction of acknowledging it.

Alex Coffey, Philadelphia Inquirer Phillies beat writer: I mean, no writer is for everyone. So i’d probably say something along the lines of, “Thank you for your feedback, and I’m sorry you feel that way.” I don’t think it’s worth going deeper than that.

Mirin Fader, author and The Ringer senior writer: I wouldn’t respond at all. I had a one-star review saying my book was so poorly written they couldn’t continue. That was the last time I read reviews or paid attention. If someone took the time to write me such a mean letter, I wouldn’t even give them the satisfaction of a response. People are miserable.

Chad Finn, author and Boston Globe columnist: I'd probably respond like this, after I got done alternately laughing and fuming at the tactlessness and pomposity:

Dear [name],

Thank you for the detailed note. It's always nice to hear from someone who is so passionate about a topic I've written about. I'm sorry you didn't find the book up to your high standards. That Caro guy was pretty good, I hear. 

Best of luck,

Chad

Then I'd forward the note to about a dozen of my friends and say, "Can you believe this a-hole?"

Readers like this aren't uncommon. They reveal one thing intentionally (that they know the subject matter, and desperately want you to know that they know the subject matter) and one unintentionally (that they're envious as hell that you got published after doing the research and writing).

One more thing: If they e-mail back, it doesn't get opened. It gets sent to the trash and the trash gets emptied. I'm not interested in a discussion with someone who introduces themselves by telling you your work wasn't up to their standard.

Paul Gutierrez, ESPN.com Las Vegas Raiders beat writer: Sir, this is a Wendy's.

Jemele Hill, author and contributing writer for The Atlantic: Hmm … trying to think of a polite and respectful way you could say, FUCK. OFF. If somebody writes me a letter like that … it better be Mark Twain from the grave. Only one rebuttal to be made: Sir, how many books have you successfully authored?

Santi Elijah Holley, author, “An Amerikan Family: The Shakurs and the Nation They Created”: “Do not answer fools according to their folly, or you will be a fool yourself.” — Proverbs 26:4 (NRSV)

Will Leitch, author and contributing editor, New York Magazine: I’m going to be no fun on this one. This person clearly does not want to have a conversation: They just want to make sure that Jon knows that they believe themselves similar to them. There’s no actual point of debate here: It’s just “you’re bad, because I say you’re bad.” I don’t think Jon has any sort of obligation whatsoever to respond, but if he (like me) feels that obligation, that anyone who engaged with his work on any level and took the time to reach out to them (and hasn’t said something overtly offensive) deserves a response, I’d probably say something like: Thank you for your note. I’m sorry the book didn’t meet your standards: I did my best, but the world is a vast place, life’s a rich pageant, we all contain multitudes, so on, and you have a right to your thoughts just like everyone else does. Hopefully you’ll enjoy my next book more, if you were to deign to give it a try. If you do happen to buy it, though, I hope you’ll consider an independent bookseller.

Best to you and yours,

Jon Eig

Adrienne Lewin, Editor-in-Chief of Diversity in Action magazine: How kind of you to share your breadth of knowledge about the political biography genre—all subjective opinions, of course—yet how frustrating for you that so few can match your brilliance. I look forward to reading your political biography, sure to rival Proust in its complexity, very soon.

Michael J. Lewis, freelance writer and blogger: Dear reader, thank you for taking the time to buy the book, but wow, the gall, and the ego to write such a note to a person who spent years on a book. It must be a nice view, sitting on such a high goddamn horse. “Thanks” for teaching me how to write, I really appreciate it.

Mike Moodian, author, “Contemporary Leadership and Intercultural Competence”: The twenty-something, much more insecure version of me would have been crushed by a letter like this. All these years later, I handle these types of messages much differently. First, one can only consider the positive feedback by also considering the negative feedback. Eig is one of the most respected writers in the business, but 100 percent of his readers will not appreciate 100 percent of his work. At this stage of my life, once the initial sting wears off after a minute or two, I would probably think to myself, "Well, at least this person took some time to provide their honest assessment of my work." Then, I would determine if the critique carries any weight to it. It's not always easy, but I've learned to take these types of things much less personally. Frankly, one knows they have "made it" when random people they have never met from across the country and world write with positive and negative feedback. I also always make it a point to write back. If someone takes the time to write me, I will write them a short response, thanking them for sharing their thoughts.

Michael Namikas, author, “The Tupac Encyclopedia”: I’d love to believe the letter wouldn’t bother me but I’d likely take it far too personally and want to fire back with a mean-spirited reply. Before I went off, however, I’d try to keep three things in mind:

1. These things are subjective and (hopefully) most readers do not agree with the letter.

2. No writer is perfect, not even Robert Caro (where is Vol. 5 of The Years of Lyndon Johnson?).

3. The sort of person who would write such a letter probably has no idea how soul-crushing book writing is.

Ultimately, I would either ignore the letter or send a generic reply thanking the author for the thoughtful and useful criticism. Either way, my wife would get tired of hearing about it.

Greg Orlando, freelance journalist and video game writer: The filthy mass of commoners, so consumed with pogs and Lik-m-Aid need form, content, and tone dictated to them, as one might lecture a wayward child about keeping his finger free and clear of his nasal cavity. The bleak-and-dim audience, our readership, henceforth now and forever referred to as the pan drippings of homo sapiens sapiens, must be routinely shamed by a literary wagging of the fingers. We are called to this monumental task in the same measure and quality as Richard Wilbur noted in one of his poems—a superior literary format, natch—that love calls us to the things of this world. How else will the zipdick pinheads learn?

Or, we can simply tell simple stories that may possess an eloquence of their own. Because, in an alternate, perhaps "Bizarro," world, we would allow the subjects of our stories to take the fore and not have a narrative disrupted (or obfuscated) by an intrusive tone, syntax, and delivery.

In short, eat a dick, Cranberry Jones. Know that Amazon dot com has a refrigerator and plenty of decorative magnets just for strongly worded letters kvetching about an author’s preferred choice of style and manner of presentation.

Catherine Pearlman, author, “Ignore It!” and “First Phone”: Dear Reader, I would like to thank you for the time you took to write this careful review of my work. You sound like quite a voracious, if not finicky, reader. I’m sorry if my book didn’t live up to your standards. I appreciate you giving it a try. I don’t know if Amazon accepts partially read books back for return. I wish you good luck. All the best! — J.E.

Steve Rushin, author and former Sports Illustrated senior writer: Respond? I wouldn’t have read beyond the second sentence or ever thought of it again. But having read it at your request, I am amused by this guy A) explaining biography to Jonathan Eig, and B) using Amazon as a lending library.

Rick Telander, author and Chicago Sun-Times columnist: My first response would be to quickly hit delete and move on. My second thought would be to reread the message and think to myself: hmm, this person is truly a reader. This is somebody who must spend hours reading books and not just Jack Reacher crap. Now, I personally have not yet read Eig’s MLK book. I’ve read other work by him, and he is the consummate pro, and his book has received nothing but rave reviews, as far as I know. Jon is top tier, tippy top, a true, talented journalist. Nevertheless, thoughtful readers might always have a point, and I would be fascinated if I were Jon to engage this person a trifle, maybe in a little Q&A. Because, if nothing else, this is a very careful reader, knowledgeable about historical biographies, concerned—perhaps a complete and utter jealous, wannabe, failed biographer or novelist. Or a nasty amateur book reviewer. But … maybe there’s something to learn from this person. I think I would write back and say, “Thank you for parsing my book. I’m sorry you didn’t enjoy it but please tell me what about my language or sentence structure or grammar offended you.” Sometimes, when you simply respond to a writer like this, you find all they really wanted was to engage you, and they’re delighted—thrilled even—that you simply got back to them So that in itself is kind of nice. This person might even be a professor. You just don’t know. I’m fascinated that the writer took so much time and used so many literary allusions and had read Robert Caro’s work and others so it’s like, Hey, let’s see what else you got bud, let’s talk. And then, if you find out it’s a crabby loser, you say, “Thank you, have a nice day, I have work to do.”

Leah Vann, Houston Chronicle sports writer: Well, I would immediately burst into tears first. I think I would send, “Thanks for reading,” because at the end of the day a person who takes the time to write this is a miserable person. I don’t care what their credentials are. And I feel by dignifying this with a longer response would open me up to more hurtful words about my writing from him/her again. Maybe Google the name and find out if this person has written anything—and if they have, just remember it’s one person’s opinion. But I’m very sensitive. I can barely handle Twitter criticism. The fact we can so easily hear from our readers is a blessing and a curse. I’ve hated a book and either finished or not finished. But I did not take the time to let the author know. I simply don’t have that kind of energy.

Yaron Weitzman, author and Fox Sports NBA writer: Honestly, I’m torn. Part me wants to ignore this because, well, it veers from criticism into just being mean. Which I think by this point my skin is thick enough to handle (at least mostly), but in general if somebody responds to my work with this sort of vitriol I find there’s no need to reply. Also, like, if the bar for good work is Robert Caro, well, I guess we can all just give up now. Also, there is a type of troll out there that seems to get off on telling professional writers why they’re bad at writing, which I think all of us have experienced and, well, it’s pretty annoying and useless to respond to. But also, this person clearly put a lot of thought into this note, and when that happens I try not to just ignore it. So I think my response would be the “Kill them with kindness and sarcasm” route. “Thank you for reaching out and the few kind words in here are appreciated. I’m sorry the book didn’t meet your level of satisfaction, though I will say, saying I’m not as good as Robert Caro is like ripping a basketball player for not being on the level of M.J. Anyway, best of luck to you in your search for knowledge.”

Jon Wertheim, Sports Illustrated executive editor: I think most writers are open to criticism—and welcome it in a way. “Amazing job” gives you a surge but it’s not long lasting. Constructive criticism is in service of improvement—which we all want … But this letter is so narcissistic and mean spirited and ungenerous I don’t think it gets the dignity of response. I also love the “logic” that this is not up to the standards of Robert Caro, therefore it is a failure. “You’ve not replicated LeBron James’ feats in basketball, so I’ve decided not to watch you play. Please compare his block of Andre Iguodala to your paltry defense.”

Jennifer Wulff, freelance writer: He should tell the guy that his letter is rambling and lacks logic and clarity, and that’s he’s returning it to sender.

The Quaz Five with … Dustin Alameda

Dustin Alameda is the founder, president and do-everything big gun behind Royal Retros, the throwback sports company and (extremely kind) sponsor of my podcast, Two Writers Slinging Yang. You can follow Dustin and his outfit on Twitter here.

1. Dustin, what made you start a clothing line?: I was reselling jerseys and sports apparel for extra money in college. After I graduated I wasn’t finding a career job so I tried starting a business.

2. You're a pretty young guy—why the devotion to throwback?: I was selling my own designs originally but a lot of people were asking for old teams they couldn’t find. I love sports history so I started switching to throwbacks after about six months

3. What do you consider the most underrated uni of all-time?: The 2000 San Francisco Giants home jersey. It was the first time a team wore cream since wool jerseys in the 1960s and a lot of teams started going for a more retro look after that.

4. You do a lot of football stuff. Why do you think modern spring leagues have struggled so much?: The league owning all the teams instead of allowing for individual owners is a big problem. It’s too big of an investment and the entire league fails at once instead of a couple teams that can be replaced.

5. You attended Marylhurst University—a school that no longer exists. Serious Q: What does that feel like?: If I had to find a job, it would be hard to explain to an employer that I have a business degree from a school that went out of business. For owning a throwback company focused on defunct teams, it fits perfectly though

Bonus [rank in order—favorite to least): Doug Flutie, Sacramento, bottled water, Lou Reed, Andre 3000, Milk Duds, snoring, the smell of leather: Doug Flutie Andre 3000, bottled water, smell of leather, Sacramento, Lou Reed, Milk Duds, snoring

Ask Jeff Pearlman a fucking question(s)

From Riffat: My name is Riffat Naeem.I am full time freelancer.I am expert in article writing and guest posting.I have writen many article and guest post for different websites for past 4 years. When I came across your website and read your articles it really impressed me.It's great that your articles are very unique and high quality.While reading an article on your website I got real eyes that what you have posted and knowledge I have is the same.I am ready to keep up that standard. I will write high quality and original article for you.I will be very happy if you will post the articles written by me and my clients.: Nah.

From Dave8Klug: You’ve started posting videos on TikTok. Aren’t you too old?: Yes. I am definitely too old to be posting videos on TikTok. Or for any of this social media shit. But you don’t survive in this business by hanging on tight to your transistor radio and steno pad. You’ve gotta evolve, change, advance, try new things. My daily TikTok video takes, at most, five minutes to complete. What’s the harm—besides humiliating my son?

A random old article worth revisiting …

On April 7, 1980, Michael Lawson of The Canadian Press introduced the world to Eric Carr, the new Kiss drummer who would quickly be identified (and made up) as The Fox. Carr was, by all accounts, a talented musician and lovely man who died of cancer in 1991.

The Madness of Tyler Kepner’s Grid …

So unless you’ve been living beneath a pebble beneath a rock beneath a big hunk of cheese, you’re aware of Immaculate Grid, the daily game that’s drawn thousands of nerdy sports fans (guilty!) to its ranks. And while the NBA grid, NFL grid, NHL grid and WNBA grid are all fun, this game is at its best when it comes to baseball—where the names are endless and the transactions ceaseless.

Over the past few weeks I’ve often discussed the grid with Tyler Kepner, the Athletic baseball writer. And now, for kicks, every week I’m gonna feature one of Tyler’s bonkers grid results. He’s the ultimate baseball geek (I say this with great affection), and his outputs blow my mind.

So …

Tyler thoughts …

• Cristobal Torriente is just a fantastic name. Jumps off the plaque in Cooperstown.

• Ray Dandridge was on the HOF yearbook cover when I went to the Hall for the first time in 1987. He was inducted that year and I figured he must have been an All-Star.

• Leon Day was in the class of 1995 and died just days after learning he'd been elected.

• Jim Bunning bounced around a bit to Pittsburgh and the Dodgers after his first run with the Phillies.

• I remember when the Pirates hosted the 1994 All-Star Game, Carlos Garcia was their only representative. I later covered him with the 1998 Angels.

• Al Mamaux is another tremendous name from the past. I had him on a SIM team once and I feel like his middle name should be "Chateau".

• Joe Torre is very famous, of course, but his Mets tenure came during a very low point for the organization.

• Joel Youngblood was an All-Star for Torre's Mets in 1981, the year before he got hits for two teams in two cities against two HOFers on the same day (Mets in the afternoon in Chicago vs. Fergie Jenkins, then traded to the Expos and got a hit for them that night in Philly vs. Steve Carlton)

• I covered the Mets when Desi Relaford (an infielder) pitched an inning for them in a blowout loss to the Padres. He had a tailing fastball at 91 mph and a really nice changeup.

This week’s college writer you should follow on Instagram …

Kateri Sollars, University of Detroit Mercy

In a recent issue of the Varsity News, Sollars wrote a lovely opinion piece conerning the background and importance of Black History Month. Opined Sollars in BLACK HISTORY MONTH A TIME OF REFLECTION, CELEBRATION AT UDM …

One can follow Sollars on Instagram here.

Bravo.

Journalism musings for the week …

Musing 1: So I had an eight-hour drive home yesterday, and desperately needed a podcast to keep me occupied. Well, praise Jesus for The Ringer’s Justin Sayles, who wrote and starred in The Wedding Scammer, an absolutely riveting piece of entertainment journalism that serves as a reminder it often pays to stick with a project—even when it might feel lost.

Musing 2: An eight-hour drive home means an eight-hour drive there, and another fantastic podcast is Murder in Boston, a Boston Globe production that delves into the batshit crazy Charles and Carol Stuart murder saga of three decades back. Big props to Adrian Walker, the host and kick-ass journalist, who owns this space.

Musing 3: It’s a month old, but how about Nathan Dahm (R - Broken Arrow), the Oklahoma state senator who’s authoring a bill to limit freedom of the press? According to an NPR piece, Dahm’s bill would require “anyone who works for a media outlet … to submit to criminal background checks and quarterly drug tests. The bill would also require them to file for a license from the Oklahoma Corporation Commission, obtain $1 million in liability insurance, and attend an eight-hour ‘propaganda-free’ safety training developed by PragerU.”

Musing 4: OK, this is an amazing Gmail trick from Matty McTech.

Musing 5: During the All-Star break TNT ran an outstanding sit-down chat between Reggie Miller, Larry Bird and Isiah Thomas. Worth your time—I promise.

Musing 6: Candace Buckner of the Washington Post is a must-read, as is this piece, RICK PITINO STILL THINKS HE’S THE MAIN ACT. Writes Buckner: “Rick Pitino, a throwback to the time when the coaches ruled the game with the flick of their tongue. It’s taken awhile for a transcendent men’s Division I team to emerge this season, and when UConn. finally did, the Huskies promptly lost by 19 to Creighton. Furthermore, there are no breakout stars; Zach Edey, the giant at Purdue who collects national player of the year awards and can dominate, but since his team has a habit of choking during March Madness, he hasn’t captivated when it matters. The inconsistency among the best teams and dearth of a Caitlin Clark-esque player in the men’s game have opened the door for this collision between the classic and modern eras.”

Musing 7: So there’s another Jeff Pearlman out there—only this one spells his last name “Perlman” and used to serve as the mayor of Delray Beach. And before he entered politics, he worked as a journalist. Jeff recently directed me toward a blog post he wrote about his writing, CHASING LIGHTNING, and it’s absolute gold. Writes Jeff: “Sometimes, after work, we’d go to a bowling alley bar off of Cypress Creek Road for a beer. I thought it was an odd location, but I’d follow Jim anywhere thinking that maybe over beers I’d gain a nugget of advice that would make me a better journalist. I soon learned that he went to the bowling alley bar because he had a thing for the bartender who looked a lot like Elvira—Google her and you may remember. He wasn’t exactly there to give me tips, but it was fun anyway.”

Musing 8: Really love the writing of Jodi Walker over at The Ringer, and her latest piece, A VERY NECESSARY FAQ FOR JENNIFER LOPEZ’S ‘THIS IS ME … NOW: A LOVE STORY’ is simply fun, funky pop culture joy. Writes Walker: “You may have heard that Jennifer Lopez made her own autobiographical version of Cloud Atlas where she journeys through time and space to heal her heart through the redemptive power of self-love and flower petals. You may have heard that her journey includes a steampunk Flashdance homage and a Ben Affleck jump scare and that Jane Fonda leads a sort of Greek-chorus-meets–Inside Out think tank of celestial beings. And those rumors (all true) may have stirred up some questions in your soul like: why, how, who, and huh? But perhaps most importantly: What on Jane Fonda’s green earth did we do to deserve such a thing?”

Musing 9: There is a universe where Mike Lindell is mere pillow salesman, happily going about life aiding people with their sleep issues. That is not the universe (the suddenly poor, shamed) Lindell occupies.

Musing 10: I never tire of the infamous People Magazine Rich Gannon-Elvis Grbac Sexiest Athlete Screwup of 1998. Glad Michael Ginocchio tells it on his podcast, Surreal Sports Stories.

Musing 11: Steven Rissotto is a senior at San Francisco State University who really, really, really wants to go into journalism. And if you check out his Twitter feed, he approaches it the right way. The kid oozes hustle and hunger. Earlier this week, he and Sean Young, his San Fran State cohort, hosted me on the RizzoCast podcast—and, youth be damned, they hit me with one tremendous question after another. Big props.

Musing 12: This week’s Two Writers Slinging Yang podcast stars Louisa Thomas of the New Yorker …

Quote of the Week …

1. OK—confession. I’d go Abe. But a meal with Rick is never dull.